Emo

Even 1 week of holiday in the hectic upper secondary school life doesn't cheer me up.

Suddenly wish that tomorrow is a school day, at least it will keep me busy from thinking all the emo stuff.

Yesterday when I went to tuition, my tuition friend complained to me that she hated X (where X is a backup pianist in my school's choir team, X ≠ Carson, sorry I have to explain it this way because I did too much add maths) when X played the piano because his playing speed was unsteady and the rest of the choir members had to cope with him so hard but still the song sucked. As X's friend, I immediately defended him by explaining not all pianist can play like Justin (not Bieber, mind you. He's the main pianist) because he's, I dare say, talented at playing the piano. She fired back by saying she's not comparing X with Justin, and our argument continued but not for long, because after that we're near tears. I didn't want to bad mouth Justin, because I've always admired him and I can never play like him, so I never said it out, but he actually brainwashed everyone in the school by playing the piano perfectly most of the time, which had led us to think that all pianist should play like that. But anyway I felt sad for X for being hated for doing nothing wrong and for myself because I sucks more than X (which leads to this inequality: Carson < X < Justin).

I listened to Avril Lavigne's "When You're Gone", which contributes the most to my recently emotional state. It made me feel it's the most beautiful music in the world, and I thought of a lot of things, including my grandma. (When I read the comments on Youtube, everyone's thinking about their dead grandmother. Strange.) I'm still blaming myself for her death. I felt like crying but I couldn't. Sometimes I envy Shi En, because she can cry if she wants to. Crying is good for releasing stress, after all. I felt like borrowing a friend's shoulder to cry (preferably a boy's one. This is not sex discrimination, but a girl's shoulder seems inappropriate).

And my wish was granted, somehow, when I was dreaming in my sleep: A Form 5 male friend revealed to me that he actually knew how to play the piano, and had been quiet about it. And he's Grade 8. I felt so useless and stupid and weak, so I cried. He kept comforting me like a brother, and then I forgot what happened. I guessed I didn't cry in reality because my pillow was not wet and I didn't felt good. *That guy's identity should remain unknown as he did nothing other than entering my dream. And as far as I know, he doesn't play the piano. So what the hell. = =

♥ Avril Lavigne's songs, When You're Gone and What The Hell.

When you're gone, The pieces of my heart are missing you

I shouldn't be listening to this song as it only causes me to become more emo. Hence I should listen to this:

All my life I've been good, but now, oooooh I'm thinking What the hell ♥

Hope tomorrow's class trip will make me feel better =).

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Read some of my old blog posts. I was surprised that I had blogged some nice and humorous posts. You can read them here.