Lol

To think that I would one day return to this place and actually blog. Too many things going in my mind and I need to lay them down in writing somewhere (finals is tomorrow btw).

But I have too many things in my mind that I duno what to lay down. It's like they just clump together, too big to flow through an imaginary pipe out of my mind. Usually I would just sleep/nap and it'll be alright, but I have already done that just an hour or so ago and sleeping too much will cause me headaches (known it through experience, duno if others suffer the same problem or not). Besides, I have finals tomorrow and I don't really wanna waste any more time, though I could probably get a 90 or something for tomorrow's subject (Finance) if I remain not studying as 1. exams in Aussie are easier than in Malaysia (at least in Business faculty) and 2. I have consistently studied throughout this semester as I don't believe in last-minute information-cramming "studying", however I do acknowledge that people who successfully do that are talented in their own way. Sounds very lc but yeah that's how I interpret it. And technically speaking I don't have any reason to ace my exams as I cannot upgrade my scholarship, I only need to get a 75 average if I'm not mistaken. But my kiasu mindset makes me strive to stay on top of everything I study, which I'm trying to reduce it.

My friend say I'm currently at a "denial phase", meaning I'm trying to justify everything I do with lots of reasons. She said why can't I just do something I really wanted to do instead of pressuring myself to study when I don't need to. But I think that for this moment studying - and reading philosophical stuff - is what I should do in order to improve myself. And justifying my decisions with reasons, is it really anything wrong with that? Maybe if I'm really in that phase, I wouldn't have realized myself, and thus I should just go ahead with what I'm doing now (and blogging perhaps) so that after I come out of that phase, I would realize what had happened actually.

At least I write down something lol. Not even a fraction of the things in my mind but at least a good start.